i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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