Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
