I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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