i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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