weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
