just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
PANTIES FOUND
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