Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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