my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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