she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize