there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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