Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
