im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
