420 ftw
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
