I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
