Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
