He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
