My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
