You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
