You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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