honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
