Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
