Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize