fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
