My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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