We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
