well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
