I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
