i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
