You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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