So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
