I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
