i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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