Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
