I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
