so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This baby is an asshole
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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