I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
nutella sex= disaster
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
