are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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