so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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