She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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