I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
no, he came in my armpit
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
