I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think i have two assholes
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
