How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
