My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
