Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
