i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
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