if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
