May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
