So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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