none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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