Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
