it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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