i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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