i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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