It's like God shit irony all over that family
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
