I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Randomize
