I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
