he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you inspire me to be a worse person
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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