I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
