I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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