i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
