dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
