I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
