i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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