Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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