I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My penis needs a shock collar
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
