my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
