Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
