my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
