WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
