So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
