she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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