The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
